Feminine Impostor Complex

The impostor complex: how to identify and overcome it?

The impostor syndrome — have you ever heard of such a syndrom often affecting a women’s self-esteem? When we are not able to accept our own success, write off our victories on luck or someone’s help, and devaluate all our achievements thinking that we are cheaters and deserve nothing… Despite all clear evidence to the contrary.

Even if you have heard nothing of it, its symtoms are almost for sure familiar to you. According to the statistics, the impostor syndrome is experienced by more than 70% of all people – at some moment of their studies, career, personal life and so on.

So, who are they, all these impostors?

• Please meet Anny. Recently Anny has received her second higher education. She has also finished a three-year certification course and successfully defended the graduation thesis where it is clearly written “Practicing Psychologist”. But Anny can’t practice. No-no! She thinks that she has no experience and right to do it. That she is too young and green. How can she consult this spectacular woman or that impressive man? Therefore, Anny can only dream about an office with a cozy leather armchair. She will have it only when she becomes a REAL psychologist. Sometimes in the future… And now Anny is an “impostor” who somehow survives freelancing.
• And this is Betty. Betty shoots spectacular videos, can capture special moments, convey dynamics and create a real magic in the frame. Her photos are beautiful and atmospheric. But if you tell Betty that she could do it professionally, she will only shrug and answer: “Oh no, it is only a hobby. It is not serious". And then she will even sell her camera, move somewhere in the country and will sew there felt covers for the iPhones: new business, like others have… Her photos and videos published in her Instagram gather a powerful audience with a corresponding amount of likes. Why not? There are the play of light, the perfect angle and frame, and some absolutely inimitable magic. And only Betty doesn’t think so.
• Or Mary. Mary sews Tilda dolls. She selects textures, clothes and accessories for them; skillfully places all accents and carefully thinks out their style. She sews everything completely by hand, spending hours neatly putting stitch by stitch. Her dolls are insanely beautiful, original and look very similar to their owners. Like identical twins! For now, Mary sews them only as gifts to her friends, and they are deeply impressed. They tell her to organize master-classes, tech others to do it. Sell the dolls to other countries. But Mary only flaps her eyes in fear: “Can I teach others? Who will agree to pay for this at all?”

Symptoms: how to identify the impostor complex in yourself

The psychologists identify 3 main symptoms detecting the impostor syndrome:

1. You tend to explain your successes by external circumstances, denying your own merits: luck, someone’s help, accidental case, and so on. In other words, you devaluate all your achievements by yourself.
2. Failures are, on the contrary, exaggerated and treated as the internal problems’ results: stupidity, absent-mindedness, incompetence…
3. In the society, at work you feel like a stranger – unworthy, pretender, fake. In many ways, the third symptom is a consequence of the two first.

Which factors mostly provoke the development of the impostor complex in women in the professional sphere:

• Your ideas about a typical or perfect specialist in your sphere do not find correlation with your own psycho-physical characteristics.
• While being an adolescent you thought that you do not fit well with the world around you.
• You think that when you were a child you and your abilities were estimated inadequately.
• You firmly believe in inadmissibility, unforgivability of your mistakes.
• You have become a victim of a haphazard, inconsistent approach of parenting.
• Complexes, low self-esteem, self-flagellation, depressions – all these is about you.

What impostor are you? 5 different types

I have no idea of what I am doing…

World renowned expert in behavioral psychology Doctor Valerie Young has published the results of the longtermed research of the impostor complex. In her book “The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women” she identifies 5 main types of impostors.

 PERFECTIONIST

The impostor syndrome and the perfectionism often step toe-to-toe. A perfectionist can’t correspond his own excessively high requirements and control everything, therefore he always feels lack of confidence and anxiety.

Ask yourself:

• Are you “sinful” in micromanagement?
• Are you able to delegate (hand on, trust) tasks to other people?
• Do you always require 100% ideal work from yourself?
• Are you thinking all day long why you are still not fired?

A perfectionist is seldom satisfied by her work. She thinks about what she could do better and doesn’t notice even a high result. It is harmful and unproductive.

Remember: only the one who does nothing never does mistakes, the more you do – the more mistakes you make. Forget about mistakes, but remember the lesson!

EXPERT

The measure of her own competence for an expert is what and how much she knows. As it is not possible to be aware of everything, an expert for herself always stays an incompetent amateur with a constant fear to be exposed.

Think about the following:

• Do you give up on vacancies if you don’t fully comply with all points?
• Do you often spend a ton of time searching for new courses, trainings; do you collect certificates?
• Do you often think that you know not enough [even if you work in this sphere for a rather long time]?
• Do you just laugh when somebody calls you an expert?

Of course, there is always something new to learn. So, learn to gain only necessary skills and only when you really need them. Ask for help if you need it. Mentoring and volunteering are great ways to find your inner expert, be useful to the others and overcome the impostor syndrome.

«SUPERWOMAN»

Such people are confident that they are fake against the background of their colleagues even after a real deal. To comply the invented requirements, they force themselves to work more and more. But such overloads are just trials to hide their lack of confidence, and they are harmful for the health!

• Do you leave the office the last one even if all your tasks are done?
• Do you feel bad while any stagnation period when you are not busy with work?
• Do you sacrifice your own desires, interests and hobbies for the sake of your job?
• Despite your achievements, do you think that you are not worthy of your title; feel useless and, therefore, work even harder to prove the contrary?

Actually, such workaholics are dependent not on the work itself, but on its validation. Train yourself not to depend on the outside evaluations, and do not take criticism too personally. Do only reasonable work to reduce your energy consumption… and optimize your resources. 

GENIOUS

Unlike workaholics such people with the impostor syndrome rely not on diligence, but on the natural ease and speed of work. They feel ashamed if they need much time for mastering something. This type of the impostor raises her bar not worse than the perfectionists. But their approach is to do everything from the first trial. Any failures cause anxiety.

• Are you used to excellence without much effort?
• Is it strange for you to have a teacher or a mentor?
• Do failures and bad work cause in you a burning sense of shame?
• Do you avoid challenges in spheres in which you feel yourself not good enough?

Try to see yourself in the working process. Goals achievement requires constant learning and skills development – even for the most talented and self-confident people. Skills horning is much better than self-flagellation for not knowing how to do something.

LONELY

“All by myself” will suffer in any situation where she might need somebody’s help. She proves her value staying completely independent.

• Do you firmly believe that you have to do every single thing by yourself?
• “I don’t need anyone’s help” – is this about you?
• Would you rather sit over a problem day and night than ask for advice?

Sometimes it is really difficult to ask for help. But it is vital to learn to do it. It is physically impossible to know and be able to do everything. You should ask advice from somebody with more experience. It will help you to save your time and energy and make you more qualified as well. On the other hand, your personal failure may cause frustration, apathy and despair. 

Instead of the resume

IMPOSTOR! - THE IMPOSTOR SAID!

The impostor complex is your thoughts’ spawn. Confidence appears when even hidden thoughts that we won’t cope with something, surrender completely under the onslaught of our real acheiviments!